“The very first sexual relationship should not be idealized or distress us because it does not necessarily determine future sexual life,” says Dr. P K Gupta, best sexologist in Delhi.

At least, in the event that it does not go as well as hoped, it must be kept in mind that sexuality is a matter of experience. Thus, if we are convinced that the first time is decisive, then it risks being so, including negatively, if it goes wrong. Focusing on a bad experience, whatever it is (inappropriate partner attitude, violence, etc.), with the risk of crystallizing a false belief, can effectively freeze us in a role that hinders sexual fulfillment. The sex specialist in Delhi advises to exchange with his partner, to express what we liked and what we did not like. If suffering, consider talking to a third person, or even a specialist if necessary.

Also, making love for the first time is a very special moment, which can generate a lot of expectations in men and women, even though, paradoxically, they have very little experience. To the pleasure of the carnal encounter are sometimes added awkwardness, pain or fear. For example, describes Dr. Gupta, “too strong and uncontrolled desire of the male partner can lead to premature ejaculation, which does not mean that it will happen again, that one is an early ejaculator. Likewise, in the feminine, the fear of having pain during penetration or the modesty of showing one’s body can prevent letting go and diminish the pleasure. Dissipate and give way to other sensations and new desires.

Despite everything, the first time remains a special moment insofar as each brings into play, in the performance of the act, his personality, his representations of sexuality, his gender identity as a man or woman, his sexual preference, his capacity to be in relation with the other in intimacy, his education, his inheritance. This is what makes this banal experience a unique event. And, when everything goes well, a first “successful” time builds confidence and constitutes a positive basis for the future of her sexuality.

Not innate

Accepting that the first time is above all a step can also be reassuring. Indeed, it is often mistakenly believed that sexuality is something innate, yet it is learned, like many other things. Sport, an activity which also requires some bodily skills, but which is far less complex than the sexual act, is often approached more rationally: “We know that a first ski descent will often be strenuous, but the more we start the more fun you have on the slopes. With sex, basically, it’s the same,” comments the sexologist in Delhi. In addition, sexuality is something dynamic, which evolves throughout life. Indeed, we do not have the same needs, the same desires and the same expectations at 20, as at 40, at 60 or after. And, whatever the moment of existence, these expectations may also vary depending on the partner. These are just as many reasons to adopt a positive attitude towards her sexuality and to rejoice in future experiences.

Some tips to start your sexuality

1. Exchange with your partner. Dare to talk about what we liked and what we liked less.
2. Know how to question your own beliefs and not freeze in a role or in a negative experience.
3. Finding out about sexuality, knowing how it works often allows you to play down and change your beliefs.
4. Recognize that experience plays a role and that sexuality evolves.
5. In case of doubt, bad traumatic experience, questions, and needs, do not hesitate to contact specialized organizations such as Family Planning.